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2010

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10-03 NEWS
MARLO DONATO PARMELEE

Donna Karan manager Marlo Donato Parmelee is glamorous, smart ... and suffering from multiple sclerosis. As the company's U.K. support manager, it's Marlo's job to ensure that no imperfection mars the brand's sumptuousness. "I tell everyone I have MS," she told interviewer Catherine O'Brien, "but I also tell them that if I can wear heels, then anyone can."

At 37, Marlo has the incurable neurological disease that attacks the nervous system and can cause numbness, double-vision, muscle spasms, loss of balance and acute bouts of pain. Her illness was diagnosed five years ago after she struggled for months with symptoms that -- she says half-jokingly -- forced her out of 4-inch heels and into a pair of trainers. "Sometimes I lose my center of balance, but if that happens, I grab the stair rail and fake it." Like many people who learn they have a chronic illness, she read the stories of others. Some were helpful, some less so. (Photo credit: David Yeo)

When she failed to find a narrative that conveyed with raw honesty exactly what she was going through, she decided to write it herself. The result is "Awkward Bitch: My Life With MS" (AuthorHouse), a no-holds-barred memoir that reveals her bleakest moments -- she contemplated killing herself more than once -- but also the exuberance, defiance and sense of humor that have enabled her to fight her disease and thrive despite it. The daughter of a construction engineer, Marlo grew up on Long Island, N.Y. She inherited her parents' talent for music -- her Sicilian American father played the trumpet and her Irish American mother sang -- and also had a constant yearning for beautiful clothes. As the youngest of four sisters, she says cannot remember a time when she was not coveting their wardrobes.

During her time studying in New York -- she has a degree in classical music -- she worked as a sales assistant in luxury boutiques. After graduating, she worked for Chanel by day, and attended singing workshops at night. By her late 20s, she had become assistant manager of a Donna Karan store, established her own band and met her husband, William, also a sales assistant and musician. "Owning a house and having children did not matter to us. We wanted adventure," Marlo said.

After a 2002 vacation to London, they decided to try to emigrate, and after they later discovered that Marlo's mother's Irish heritage meant Marlo had dual citizenship, it seemed as if fate was giving them a helping hand. In March 2004 they arrived in London for good and within weeks had found work: Marlo in designer sales again and William in banking. Their ultimate aim was to plug themselves into the music scene and begin playing gigs. But Marlo, then 31, began to develop strange symptoms.

First, the big toe on her left foot turned numb. She blamed it on the pointy shoes she was wearing, reluctantly invested in those trainers and thought no more of it. A month later, while out shopping, she suddenly felt dizzy and overwhelmed by tiredness. Her vision became blurred and she had a feeling in her head "like bubbles popping." Frightened that she might be having a stroke, she slumped on to a bench and waited until the symptoms subsided. She was worried enough to have her eyes tested afterwards, but the test showed nothing untoward. One morning, in mid-October, William remarked that she was covered in bruises, and Marlo realized she had become uncharacteristically clumsy. She fell down the stairs at work and found that she could no longer walk in a straight line. A few days later, after a nightmare tube journey during which her eyesight distorted and she became terrifyingly disorientated, she took herself back to Moorfields Eye Hospital in London. "I thought that I had a brain tumor and was going to die."

It was on one of her visits to the hospital that the full enormity of what was wrong with her hit home. "I was in the waiting room. There was a woman there about my age with a walking stick. She was with her mother, who was explaining to another woman how she had woken up one morning with blurry vision, and how her toes had gone numb -- and as she went on it struck me that her daughter must have exactly what I had. The woman then asked, 'What is wrong with your daughter?' And the answer came back 'multiple sclerosis.' It was my worst moment - worse than when I actually got my firm diagnosis a few weeks later. I watched the girl struggle to walk out and thought, 'That is going to be me. My life is over."'

Marlo's MS was confirmed in December 2004 by the MRI scan which showed multiple lesions on her brain. Her initial reaction to the confirmation was relief. "I had felt like I was losing my mind, but now I had a solid medical reason for what was happening to me." William promised he would always be there for her. Her employers -- she was by this time working for Yves Saint Laurent -- were supportive, and though her family urged her to return to America, she had complete confidence in the doctors and nurses who were treating her. She also felt that giving up her new life in London would be giving in to her illness "and I was way too stubborn to let that happen." It helps immeasurably that she works in a world where she is valued -- Donna Karan in London rehired her three years ago, long after her diagnosis, and provided her with an easily accessible office and flexible hours.

"They say theirs is a lifestyle business, and if I have MS, then they will fit in around a lifestyle that includes MS. They look after me, and I give them my all." She is responsible for supporting the managers of Donna Karan and DKNY stores in the U.K., organizing staff training programs and working with new sales assistants to help them develop the aura of discreet luxury that is the company's trademark. She never arrives for work in anything less than what she calls her "supergirl" uniform: full make-up and those 4-inch heels. "It may sound frivolous, but knowing I look good is a big part of helping me feel good. I have days when I wake up and cry, but I know I'll pick myself up, put on my red lipstick and get on with the day." Some areas of her life have changed, the most crucial one being her marriage.

She and William separated in April. "Because I'm stubborn and so desperate for my independence, I was rejecting him in a way that I wouldn't have done had I been well. We were always such great friends, but we began to realize we no longer shared that lovers' passion. William called himself my caretaker, but I didn't want a caretaker. If anything, I needed less compassion and understanding and more passion and spark. I know he would never have abandoned me, but to keep going and get the most from life, I had to separate from him." She has a new boyfriend, Tim Love, a musician - but for now she is living alone, which she finds "scary, but also liberating." Said Marlo: "MS has changed me, but the funny thing is that I wouldn't change the new me for anything. I may not have my health, but I've found strengths I never knew I had. The bonus is, I now know what I am made of."

These other family members, listed alphabetically, appeared in recent news stories:

10-02 NEWS
JAMES W. PARMELE

Fresh out of high school, Lt. James W. Parmelee deferred college to serve his country in World War II. After graduating from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1951, he became an Air Force pilot who conducted reconnaissance flights during the Cold War. A biographical clipping from an unknown publication describes James as "at ease in any situation ... friends with the world ... endless self-confidence and ability ... would like to fly a brilliant-red jet plane, and trout fish in off hours ... insists Michigan is the playground of the gods." James was based at Sembach Air Base, about 80 miles southwest of Frankfurt, Germany, and flew one of two "jet photo" squadrons. On a flight in 1954, his plane crashed in Obora (German: Thiergarten), near what was then the border of East Germany and Czechoslovakia. His family knows little about the mission; his military record states death from an "aircraft accident." In January, brother David Parmelee established a scholarship in James' honor to support engineering students at the Seymour and Esther Padnos College of Engineering and Computing at Grand Valley State University in Grand Rapids, Mich.. The family holds out hope that with today's technology and the Internet, clues will surface about James' last flight.

These other family members, listed alphabetically, appeared in recent news stories:

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